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Check out my Portfolio: Carlo's Epics of India
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Introduction to Me
Hello, my name is Carlo Williams and I am a senior who is studying History (Pre-Med) during my undergraduate here at OU. Time is flying by fast, I cannot believe that I am writing down that I am a senior. It felt like I was just a freshman. My plans after college are still in the process, I have decided that I am taking a gap year or gap semester depending on where I get into medical school. During my gap year/semester I will most likely be working in a hospital as a scribe getting the necessary experience I need and apply that experience into becoming a better physician. I am thinking about doing dermatology, but who knows it will probably change once I get into medical school. I am not going to lie, the thought of graduating is scary yet at the same time exciting. In one of my previous blogs I wrote about my favorite place, which is Germany. I was born in Germany and have lived there throughout my elementary school years. I lived on an American base, so English was mainly spoken wh...
Hi Carlo! I enjoyed reading your story over Kooni's origin. I liked how you wrote the mean comments against Kooni in groups of three and started the story with the mean comments. It definitely caught my attention and made me want to continue reading your story. I did think the "These were words Kooni heard every day. Eventually these words stopped bothering her. However, Bharatha heard these mean words and got down from their ride." was not a good combination of sentences. I think you should try to expand more on Kooni's harships with the rude comments. Or set up a part of the story where some random person is being extra mean (like pushing he around) to her and then that's when Bharatha overheard and saw her get beat around by the people in the Ganges. Overall, the story was enjoyable!
ReplyDeleteThis is one of the initial stories of the Ramayana that I don't remember quite well, but I like the way you presented it. I’m confused as to where Kooni is in the first few paragraphs. It sounds like she was born, was super ugly, and thrown into a river by her parents and picked up later. If she went down the Ganges, wouldn’t she be in a different place? Maybe she is but was hated anyways. If you could shore up that little confusion it might help. I also am having some difficulty remembering the story super well. It felt very reminiscent of stories like the ugly duckling where Kooni blossoms and gains a life beyond any of her haters. You definitely leave it off like there is more to come on this story. I know that it is a Portfolio so there won’t be a story coming later but I think it would be cool to expand off of your last line, unless you want to keep your series ending cliffhanger intact. This makes me think that I might have to go back an read Kooni’s story again.
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