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Check out my Portfolio: Carlo's Epics of India
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  1. Victoria QuickFebruary 22, 2019 at 4:06 PM

    Hi Carlo! I enjoyed reading your story over Kooni's origin. I liked how you wrote the mean comments against Kooni in groups of three and started the story with the mean comments. It definitely caught my attention and made me want to continue reading your story. I did think the "These were words Kooni heard every day. Eventually these words stopped bothering her. However, Bharatha heard these mean words and got down from their ride." was not a good combination of sentences. I think you should try to expand more on Kooni's harships with the rude comments. Or set up a part of the story where some random person is being extra mean (like pushing he around) to her and then that's when Bharatha overheard and saw her get beat around by the people in the Ganges. Overall, the story was enjoyable!

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  2. Jack WoodFebruary 24, 2019 at 8:41 PM

    This is one of the initial stories of the Ramayana that I don't remember quite well, but I like the way you presented it. I’m confused as to where Kooni is in the first few paragraphs. It sounds like she was born, was super ugly, and thrown into a river by her parents and picked up later. If she went down the Ganges, wouldn’t she be in a different place? Maybe she is but was hated anyways. If you could shore up that little confusion it might help. I also am having some difficulty remembering the story super well. It felt very reminiscent of stories like the ugly duckling where Kooni blossoms and gains a life beyond any of her haters. You definitely leave it off like there is more to come on this story. I know that it is a Portfolio so there won’t be a story coming later but I think it would be cool to expand off of your last line, unless you want to keep your series ending cliffhanger intact. This makes me think that I might have to go back an read Kooni’s story again.

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